Tell Mama
by wallscollide
Summary: After a tough day, Stef and Lena are there for Callie in their own ways. Set during 3A. One-shot.
**A/N:** This has been written for awhile. I just couldn't think of a title. But then, I stopped over-thinking it. I listened to The Civil Wars' "Tell Mama" a lot when writing this (and their Smashing Pumpkins cover of "Disarm"), so there you go.

Enjoy, guys.

As always, I own nothing except my story ideas.

* * *

As Lena walked past Callie's bedroom door, she could hear her daughter crying. She felt her heart breaking, but she respected Callie's right to some space and privacy.

With a sigh, Lena went downstairs to the kitchen to wash what was left of that morning's breakfast dishes.

She whipped around at the sound of the front door opening. To her surprise, her wife walked in, clad in her uniform. "Stef? What are you doing here?"

"I...I, um, got sent home," she answered quietly, flashing Lena a sad smile and looking down at the floor.

She went to Stef immediately. "What happened?" she asked, slightly panicked.

"I'm okay, Lena. Mike and I got called to this accident and...and a little boy was killed. I sorta lost it."

 _Stef and Mike exited the squad car, crossing under the caution tape and going to the two mangled vehicles. Paramedics were removing a young boy from an SUV._

 _"Luke? Luke? Say something, baby. Wake up. Why isn't he awake? What's happening?" A woman who they could only assume was the boy's mother grew increasingly hysterical._

 _As the boy was wheeled past, the image of a bloody Jesus flashed in Stef's eyes. It was replaced by Luke, but Jesus' unconscious body appeared again and remained._

 _Mike went to the woman and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Ma'am, the paramedics are doing everything they can for him." He watched in confusion as his partner followed them toward the ambulance._

 _"Stef? What are you doing?"_

 _She stopped dead in her tracks. "Jesus. I have to go with Jesus," she stated as though it were obvious._

 _"Stef, Jesus isn't here. We're working. Are you alright?"_

 _"I'm fine. My kids are hurt and I need to be with them."_

 _Mike got in Stef's face. "Stef! Jesus is fine! Mariana is fine! We're at work!"_

 _"But...Jesus..." She looked to the ambulance and back to her partner._

 _Mike could see that Stef was bewildered, like a deer caught in headlights and in absolutely no condition to be helping anyone. "C'mon, let's go." He attempted to lead her away._

 _"No, Mike! I need to go with my son! He needs me!"_

 _Sirens sounded as the ambulance pulled away. At this point, a few workers started to stare at the two of them._

 _"Stef, listen to me—"_

 _"No,_ you _listen—"_

 _"_ Stef! _This is a different accident. Your kids aren't here, I promise you. Now, come on. Come on," Mike ordered softly, putting an arm around her and leading her back to the car._

 _Numb. That was the only thing Stef felt as Mike sat her down and buckled her in. He drove them back to the station._

 _Upon returning, Stef went to the restroom and splashed cold water on her face. She dried her skin with a paper towel and studied her reflection for a moment, her face almost unrecognizable._

 _The door opened and Ellis, another female officer, entered._

 _"Captain wants to see you."_

 _"Thanks," Stef answered flatly._

 _She left the bathroom and knocked on Captain Roberts' doorframe. "You wanted to see me?"_

 _Stef's boss looked up from the papers in front of her. "Come in. Shut the door."_

 _Stef complied, gazing expectantly at her superior as she attempted to ready herself for what the older woman was going to say._

 _"Mike told me what happened."_

 _"Captain, it's not—"_

 _She shook her head, silencing Stef. "Just tell me the truth: have you been having other symptoms? More flashbacks? Trouble sleeping?"_

 _"Yeah," Stef replied quietly. "Nightmares, when I_ can _sleep, that is. Headaches."_

 _Captain Roberts sighed. "Thank you. We will figure this out. In the meantime, you are on leave until further notice."_

 _"But—"_

 _"Go home, Stef. You're too close to the investigation on the hit-and-run and it's compromising your work. You need to help yourself before you can help anybody else. I'm ordering that you be cleared by Psych before you can return to work."_

 _"I don't need a shrink, Captain! I'm fine."_

 _Captain Roberts felt terrible for Stef, but she was doing what was best for her and the department. "Mike's version of events begs to differ. Go home. Go see Lena, hug your kids."_

 _Stef gathered up what was left of her dignity and stormed out of Captain Roberts' office, ripping her jacket off of the back of her desk chair and making quick work of gathering her things from her locker before driving home._

"Oh, Stef." Lena pulled her in closely, the most intimate contact they'd had in what seemed like ages. She knew that her wife was struggling; the accident that the twins were in a few months ago had shaken all of them up. Recently, she'd found the blonde awake at night many more times than she would have liked, evading her concern, seeing newly-replaced bottles of Tylenol in their bathroom. Stef was always tired and was becoming increasingly forgetful. She was short with her and the kids, who'd since been treading lightly, which was the most painful consequence. Lena hated seeing her children be afraid of their mother. She missed Stef's humor, along with the sensitivity and gentleness that she knew her wife still possessed. Stef was called to the site of the twins' accident and ended up as a parent of the victims instead of a police officer securing the scene. She could only imagine how difficult that was for her to go through. She should have stepped in, before things could go this far. Her avoidance of conflict was sometimes crippling. "I'm so sorry."

Stef broke the hug. "Why are _you_ apologizing? _I'm_ the one who's been a terrible wife, a terrible mother."

Lena wasn't about to let Stef shoulder all of the blame. "We should've had this conversation weeks ago. I should have confronted you. I haven't been the best wife and mom, either. I've let our relationship suffer, I've let our kids suffer."

"I see the way they look at me. They're scared to death of me. Like I'll go postal at any moment."

"Your captain did the right thing. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna get the help you need and we'll be here every step of the way. I promise."

"I love you."

"I love you," Lena echoed sincerely.

Stef gave her wife a long kiss. "Where are the kids?"

"You know where they are, honey. Brandon's at piano, Jesus is at the movies, Jude's at the library with Connor, and Mariana's with Tia. Callie's upstairs."

"She is? How'd therapy go?"

"Dr. Kodema said it was an emotional session. She didn't say a word the whole way home."

Stef looked sympathetically at the stairs and hugged Lena again. She locked up her gun in her bedroom closet before changing clothes. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she needed to see at least one of her babies. She knocked lightly on Callie's door before entering. "Callie? It's Mom."

Callie didn't answer as she was still crying. Her sorrowful moans continued as Stef went to the bed and climbed in next to her, wrapping her arms around the girl.

"Mama said you've had a rough day. I'm here, okay? It's alright." Stef kissed the back of Callie's head.

Stef just held Callie as she sobbed uncontrollably; her cries sounded terribly sad and Stef could see that her daughter was in a lot of pain. "Cal, you're gonna make yourself sick. Try calming down just a little bit?"

"I-I-I ca-can't," Callie wailed, choking on her words.

"Yes, you can. You can. I'm right here. Just breathe, honey. Slow, deep breaths."

Callie followed Stef's breathing and slowly started to settle.

"Good girl. In and out. That's it."

Callie was left shuddering and sniffling in her mom's arms, but much calmer than how Stef had found her.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Her voice was hoarse and her throat felt swollen and sore from crying.

Stef was quiet for a moment.

"You know, I didn't have the greatest day, either."

For the first time, Callie moved to look at Stef, frantically scanning her body for any signs of injury. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, love. Your ol' mom's just fine. I'm not hurt. Don't worry. I was called to an accident today."

Callie immediately understood. "Oh." She rolled over to hug her.

"There's my girl." Stef kissed her forehead. "Thank you for the hug. Now, tell me what's got you all upset, baby."

Callie looked down as Stef brushed hair out of her face.

"I know I haven't been at my best lately, but I'm getting help. I am. You're all going to help me work through this stuff involving Jesus' and Mariana's accident because I need you. I can't do it without _all_ of you. Now, I hate to see one of my babies hurting. It hurts me, too. I think you would feel better if you got whatever's bothering you off of your chest."

"...It's stupid," she mumbled.

"Callie, whatever you're feeling is _not_ stupid. Your feelings are your feelings and they're valid and important." Stef struggled similarly throughout her life and she was determined to lead her children down a different path than what she was shown by her father.

Callie brought her eyes back to Stef's. "It's just...Dr. Kodema and I talked a lot about my mom and..." The lump in her throat quickly returned. She was finding it difficult to not break down again.

Callie's grief was palpable. Stef could almost see it bubbling just under the surface as the girl struggled with some intense emotions. "Take your time," she murmured gently, wiping the tears that had managed to escape from her daughter's eyes.

"I just miss her so much and...wh-what if I can't ever love you or Mama like that? Is that terrible of me?" She felt ashamed for even entertaining the idea. Voicing such insecurity was huge for her, but she was stumbling back over herself, wishing she could take the words back.

Stef picked up on that as soon as those words left Callie's mouth. "Hey. Don't go there," she ordered firmly. She wanted to keep Callie from shutting down, knowing that the dark recesses of her mind were the last places the girl needed to be. "Like Mama says, there's nothing you can't tell us and we mean that. We will never shame you or make you feel bad for being honest." As parents, showing and teaching their children trust was extremely important to them.

Remembering the task at hand, Stef felt herself getting emotional as she attempted to answer Callie's question. She took a breath. "You'll never be able to love us in the way that you love her and that's only because of the memories the two of you shared together. I know that Mama and I love you as our own and we wish that we could have been there for you from the beginning, but that wasn't meant to be. You _do_ love us like you love her. You call us 'mom,' you fight with us, give us attitude...let us comfort you and let us share in your joys and struggles, like a daughter should. We don't doubt your love for a second and neither should you. The relationships are different, but at their core, they're the same."

Callie nodded, sniffling.

"Is there something else?" Stef asked, noting how Callie still seemed upset, as if her heart was not completely unburdened.

"I'm so messed up from everything that's happened. I...Sometimes, I feel like I'm unfixable. Like you're wasting your time."

"You have some healing to do, it's true. But you are _not_ broken beyond repair. You are _not_. Every day with you has been a gift to Mama and me and our family. You're smart, funny, talented, kind, generous, hard-working, driven, a great sister, a great friend...all of that is intact, yes?"

"Yeah."

"That's right. We don't love you because you're perfect or because you have no baggage. We love you because of who you are. You're amazing. Nothing in your past is gonna make us not love you or give up on you. We're gonna get through this together. You're stuck with this crazy family, whether you like it or not." Stef winked, which made Callie smile a tiny bit. "That's better."

"Thanks, Mom." She moved to lie on Stef's chest, sighing, feeling much lighter than before.

They were quiet for awhile before Callie got up to wash her face and go to the kitchen. Lena was pulling a casserole dish out of the dishwasher and placing it on the counter. Callie walked up to her with a soft "hey" as her greeting.

Lena turned around and Callie hugged her. She quickly returned the gesture as she had a silent conversation with her wife over the girl's shoulder, with Stef assuring her that their daughter was alright.

"Love you, Mama," Callie said, not wanting to let go just yet.

Lena squeezed her tighter as she knew that Callie had said a lot with just three words. "I love you, too, bug."

With her moms firmly in her corner, Callie didn't have to cry alone anymore. She hoped that maybe one day, she could learn to love her scars, just as they had.

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope you guys liked this. I love my Stef/Callie. I thought about turning the parts about Stef's PTSD over the twins' car accident into a full story; I had to decide to write that or just post this.

I wonder how this Brallie mess is going to play out in Season 4, because we got really no good Callie/Moms moments in 3B.

I will post something else soon.


End file.
